Feb. 16, 2017

I met my fiancé and eventual husband in 2008, just after I first began having sex with another man, a tall handsome musician with a blond ponytail who looked like Brad Pitt. He was at least 20 cm (8 inches) taller than me--I'm 156 cm and 45 kg (5'2 and 99 lbs)--and I referred to him as ロング氏 ("Mr. Long") when talking about him to my friends because of his beautiful long hair. After the first time we had sex, however, and I experienced his 8" cock, the whole meaning of his name changed! While I began to develop a serious relationship with the man who would become my fiancé and then husband, I continued to date and have incredible sex with Mr. Long. I didn't consider him a boyfriend or a potential mate for marriage, he had lots of girlfriends himself. I saw him more as what in Japanese is termed ノン・プラトニックフレンド, a "friend with benefits." Even after it was clear that my husband-to-be was the love of my life, I secretly continued to see Mr. Long, perhaps addicted to the pure physical pleasure of sex with him, but eventually I stopped myself from even seeing him, in order to be loyal to my soon-to-be husband. I realized that I couldn't even risk being alone with Mr. Long, because even if I vowed beforehand to only have dinner or drinks, somehow by the end of the evening we would always end up in bed because I could not stop myself from having sex with him. I told my fiancé all about Mr. Long at the time, and he asked me about every detail of what it had been like having sex with him.

Little did I know that my husband would become obsessed with these memories of my prior sexual relationship. After we were married, my husband and I would often talk about what it would be like to have another man fucking me, and sometimes the dirty talk would involve me telling him what it felt like to be fucked by a big white cock, or how it turned me on to think about being in a threesome with two men at the same time. But this all stayed in the realm of sexual fantasies and dirty talk. Five years later, I accidentally ran into Mr. Long again, and during our brief chat I was surprised that I felt the same sexual chemistry between us that had been there years before. At first, I wasn't sure whether I should tell my husband what had happened, but I decided that we had always been faithful and honest to each other, and so I should tell him the truth. I was surprised that not only was he not angry, but he encouraged me to reconnect with my old boyfriend and not only renew our friendship, but to also have sex with him again. I was surprised, and at first did not believe that he could be serious, believing that he was trying to test me. I was cautious, afraid that I was falling for a trap, but I knew my husband was not someone who would play tricks on me like that. Nevertheless, I did not say yes at first and did nothing.

Over the next few months, when he brought the subject of my ex-lover up, I would not say much, although I felt guilty for being evasive. He brought up that when he and I had been dating, I had been sleeping with my ex at the same time, and so for almost a year I had been having sex with both of them simultaneously. His point was that he had already accepted that this other man could be in my life at the same time as him. I was still cautious, not wanting to do anything to risk the wonderful marriage that we had, and still not quite believing that a man could willingly want his wife to sleep with another man, especially one who had potentially been a competitor. I also did not say so, but I also knew deep down that the sex with Mr. Long had been amazing, different than with my husband because Mr. Long's cock had been so big (and especially long) in comparison to my husband's. My husband's cock is about 12 cm long, and very satisfying to me, but Mr. Long was at least 20cm, probably more, and very thick. When I had been seeing both of them at the same time, I remember the difference in how I had felt when they were inside me. It did not mean that I did not enjoy sex with my husband, which at many times could be very hardcore and dirty (from the beginning we had experimented with bondage and S/M and other forms of kinky sex).

I had fallen in love with my husband for his many wonderful qualities, including physical attraction to him, but I also knew that when I used to have sex with Mr. Long, there had been a quality of animal attraction that overwhelmed me. I would get so horny and wet with Mr. Long that I could not resist him. At the time, I had believed it was because I was often a little drunk when we were together. We would always have dinner and several bottles of wine and then our "dessert" would be sloppy horny sex that made me scream and abandon myself physically in ways that would make me blush and feel ashamed to remember the next day. Eventually, when I realized that my husband really did want me to have sex again with Mr. Long, I told him my fears that 1) although he was fine now with the idea of me having sex with another man, that I was afraid that if I actually did it he might react badly in ways that he could not anticipate or control, and that his feelings toward me would change; and 2) that I was also afraid that if I had sex again with Mr. Long that I could not control myself, that I might begin to have feelings and desires that I had cut off when I had chosen to marry him instead of Mr. Long. Many of the most powerful orgasms that I had ever had in my life had been while having sex with Mr. Long, and the almost uncontrollable horniness and wanton physical desire that I had felt when with him were more powerful than my husband might realize.

My husband thought carefully about what I said and told me that 1) he had discovered right from the very moment that I had first told him about my relationship with Mr. Long, that there was a part of him that he had not fully understood at the time, but had come to realize through the years that he had an uncontrollable obsession and desire to see me with another man, and that the feelings of anxiety, jealousy, anger, and fear created in him by just the thought of me with Mr. Long consumed him. As he told me about this obsessive feeling, he took my hand and brought it to his crotch. I could feel his erection straining at his pants, and knew that his thinking about me having sex with another man really did make him incredibly horny. As for my fear that I would lose myself with Mr. Long again, he told me that he was not afraid of losing me, and that if I discovered that I had made the wrong choice so many years ago, that he loved me so much that he would always accept what would make me happy, even if it meant losing me. But he also said that if I had enjoyed sex with Mr. Long so much, that it would make him happy to see me experience such an uncontrollable desire again, especially if I was able to feel a sexual pleasure that I otherwise would not have otherwise with just him. In fact, my husband said that it was better for him if he could actually see what it had been like when I was having sex with Mr. Long, and that whatever he say would make at least concrete what he had imagined so many times already. I was quiet, and told him that I would have to think about this.

Over the next few weeks, I have to admit that my thoughts kept turning back to the things my husband had said, and that despite my continued misgivings, I couldn't help thinking about what it would be like to have sex again with Mr. Long. When I first starting seeing Mr. Long, I did not think that I could be with him in a long term relationship (we just were not compatible for many reasons), but we were comfortable as friends and I of course found him extremely attractive physically. There was just something about him that made me crazy horny. I realized that I still felt that way, and that I really did want to have sex with him again. I was still worried that my husband would be so jealous that he would stop loving me, however, and so I hesitated. What changed my mind eventually was that one night after my husband and I had amazing sex, including a lot of dirty talk about what it would feel like for me to be fucked by Mr. Long again, my husband told me that because of those months when I had been having sex with both of them, he felt that he needed to see for himself what I was like when fucking Mr. Long. Ever since I had first told him about Mr. Long, my husband said, he had been imagining what it looked like when I was losing myself in pleasure with him, and so he felt it was important for his emotional well-being for him to be able to see it for himself. He needed to be able to control these feelings of jealousy and to feel that rather than my having cheated on him, that somehow my sleeping with both of them at the same time was something that he was okay with now. In fact, he wanted me to do it now not only for myself, so that he could see me enjoying the sex with Mr. Long, but also because he wanted to unleash this uncontrollable sexual desire he had for seeing another man fucking me. It would transform these powerful feelings of anger and jealousy into something new and wonderful for the both of us. I laughed and said that he was "hentai" (変態=pervert) and began to jokingly call him my "hentai husband," but even as I joked with him over the next few weeks I realized that perhaps he was deep down angry with me for having slept with both of them at the same time five years ago, but somehow he really was turned on by those feelings of jealousy and insecurity now, and he really felt it was important for me to have sex with Mr. Long in front of him in order for him to somehow heal. And so I agreed to contact my ex and talk about old times, just to see if he might be interested in resuming our friendship. I wanted to make sure that he didn't get any wrong ideas, and that I wasn't interested in leaving my husband or anything like that. And so we emailed and texted each other for several weeks, renewing our acquaintance and eventually indulging in a lot of very hot and heavy sexting as we reminisced about some of the nights we had spent together so many years before. He had an incredible memory about every single detail about what we had done on many of the nights we had had sex, much better than my own memory (!), and so in many ways it was a great way to re-introduce ourselves to each other, and also for my husband to read along because he got a lot of detailed descriptions from my ex's point of view of just what he and I had done together. I have to admit that my memories were much cloudier, probably because we often shared one or two bottles of wine before having sex, and so although I remembered how amazing the sex felt, I was fuzzy or had forgotten totally about many details until he reminded me in his texts.

After almost two months of emailing and sexting each other, we finally arranged for an actual date. We all decided, including my husband, that we would start slow by me only having dinner with Mr. Long at first, just the two of us, to see if the sexual chemistry was still there. More importantly for me, I wanted to see how my husband would actually react while I was at dinner with my ex, and whether he really could handle me being with another man. I wanted how he would react to me being on a date, then we would see what would happen after that.

We arranged to have dinner at a local restaurant, and my husband would actually drive with our daughter and drop me off at the front door of the place, and then my ex would drop me off at home after dinner was over. By the afternoon of that day, I was so nervous and excited that I couldn't concentrate on anything else. My husband helped me choose the outfit to wear, a black dress that showed off my curves but wasn't too slutty. I chose a racy pair of underwear with cat paw prints so that if I decided to flash my ex at the restaurant, he would get a bit of a show. By the time I had taken a shower and put on my make-up, my underwear was soaked from excitement and anticipation.

As we drove to the restaurant, I asked my husband one last time if he really wanted me to go through with this, and he said yes with a definitive tone. My knees were shaking when I got out of the car, and I felt like a teenager on my first date, wondering what was going to happen. My ex was already there, waiting, with a bottle of wine already open, and when I came to the table he stood up and gave me a long hug, kissing me on the lips. I was surprised that right away his tongue entered my mouth and I instinctively reacted by entwining my tongue with his and we French kissed for almost a minute before he finally broke the kiss off, leaving me breathless and at a loss for words. I almost swooned, my body full of aching for him, and as I sat down we both began laughing. Every bit of the old sexual chemistry was there, and for the rest of the evening as we finished two bottles of wine and ate an amazing meal, we laughed and talked about old times and caught up about mutual acquaintances. For most of the dinner, we held hands on the table and my ex would periodically find a reason to lean close and we would kiss. My lips were swollen and wet all night, and I could feel my whole stomach ache for him. I wanted him badly!

When dessert came, I texted my husband and said that we were almost done. He texted back and told me to take my time, and that he had put our daughter to bed already. He asked if we had "fooled around," and I said yes, telling him we had kissed all night. He texted back and told me that if I wanted to, I could park the car before he dropped me off and that I could give my ex a blowjob in the car, as long as I gave him my phone and told him to take pictures of me sucking his cock. I was shocked. I realized that my husband wasn't reacting badly to my being with another man, and I was tempted to do exactly what he suggested. I showed my ex the text, and we both laughed and finished up dessert before heading to his car. By the time I got in, I was crazy with horniness, and as we kissed I was panting like an animal, stroking his hard cock through his pants as he rubbed my wet and swollen pussy lips through my pantyhose. But some part of my brain was still wary about my husband, and so I breathlessly suggested that we go to my place and he could at least meet my husband first before we went any further. He agreed, and we drove to our house, my hand stroking his erect cock through his pants the whole way.

When we came inside the house, my husband asked me if I had done anything in the car, but I told him we hadn't, and that we should have a conversation and relax. I wanted to make sure that my husband really was okay with all of this, and to tell you the truth, I wasn't able to handle alcohol the same way that I used to five years before, and I was much more drunk than I realized when we were at dinner. I needed to be helped from the car to the front door, and as my husband poured some more drinks for the three of us as I sat on the couch and kissed with my ex, I felt the room spinning around me. We chatted for 10-15 minutes, and even though I was still horny and wanting sex, I also began to feel nauseous to the point that I was also struggling not to throw up. Suddenly, I did have to vomit and rushed to the bathroom and brought back up most of the expensive dinner and red wine from that night. I came back and told both of them that we were going to have to do this another night, and that I needed to pass out.

That was the end of the first date! Maybe it wasn't everything my husband or my ex hoped for, but for me I felt relieved (and hung over) the next morning. My husband and I talked about how each of us felt about the night before, and when he asked me if I had enjoyed being with my ex, I told him honestly that I had, and when he asked if I wanted to have sex with him again, I said yes. I asked him if he was okay with seeing me kissing my ex on our couch in front of him, and he admitted that his whole body seemed to burn with jealousy, but he also had been incredibly turned on. I asked him if he was angry with me, but he said no, that he felt a "turmoil" of emotions, including some anger, but all of it together made him feel more alive than he had ever felt, and he wanted nothing more than to see me and Mr. Long actually having sex. I said I wanted to wait awhile before having another date with my ex, just to see if either of us changed our minds, and he said okay, although I could sense his disappointment.

I emailed my ex, and apologized for getting too drunk. He said he understood, and guessed that maybe I was nervous and it was good that we were taking things slow. It was another two months before we had another date and we had our first threesome, with plenty of horny sexting in between, but that's another story!