My wife and I are very much in love with each other. We have an amazing family and professional life. We’ve built so much together. We have great sex, and it continues to get better.

We've explored swinging and separate play a bit. A little bit. We’ve met with other couples and had threesomes. Some were really hot for one or the other of us, but rarely did any one of these experiences fully satisfy both of us.

Through these experiences, at one time or another, we’ve each dabbled in “bi-curiousness”. Neither of us feels hugely drawn to bi-sexuality, but I can get into it under the most perfect of circumstances. She, less so.

We’ve attended kink parties and sex clubs. One time we fucked in the couples gallery at a xxx cinema that was playing a porn parody of “Top Gun”, knowing shady men were watching us from below. Once I attended a DP event ant an hotel, another time an GB at a secret loft; on both occasions I had to turn around and leave. It just didn’t feel right.

All of these experiences were adventures in their own right. But the vibe at these places was never quite right - it always felt a bit superficial. Transactional. Icky.

All these experiences have brought us to a simple but profound realization: We’re looking for a deeper sort of connection with new partners: A more sensual type of connection. Something that will make our breaths quicken - both of us - when we share it with each other, however we share it with each other, even if we don’t experience it together.

Now - being separated for two months, as I take some solo time in the sun to stave off burnout and do a little self-discovery - we’re diving in.

I’ve long had a cuckold fetish. More importantly, we both want to experience the thrill of intellectually, emotionally, and sexually satisfying experiences with new people. Something more than sex. Something deeper, more meaningful.

Life is short. I’m a huge advocate of YOLO. And a skeptic of social norms of all varieties. Including monogamy.

Part of the conclusion I think we’ve reached is that meaningful sensual encounters are more than just sex. And making those happen takes time, effort, and care. Sometimes the result of these efforts can be pretty discouraging.

This time, we’re determined to change that.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve developed and posted ads to for play partners while we’re apart. They’re so hot. They make us excited just to read. This seems proof that we’ve nailed, in words, what we’re seeking in real life. This in itself feels like an achievement.

And as we move from articulating our desires to consecrating them in the days ahead, new feelings arise. Feelings that need to be communicated and delicately managed.

Unsurprisingly, she’s getting loads of responses. Unsurprisingly, I’m not. She can be selective. Me, less so. A lot less so. I get it: she’s a gorgeous unicorn in a field of gremlins, whereas I struggle to be seen by my prospective playmates as more than another gremlin.

I’m feeling some sort of trepidation, something akin to jealousy. But different. I can’t quite place it. This writing is helping me work through it.

I know our marriage is solid. I’m confident our sexual and emotional connection with each other will only be enhanced - through the planning, the writing, the communication with each other, and the experiences that will follow. But there’s also an element of “why can’t it be as easy for me”, and a dose of “what if”.

I’m so excited for her. Most of the guys that responded were duds. She’s ruthless in weeding those out. But a couple look really promising: Good looking guys, with good profiles, and thoughtful responses that shows they truly read her post. We can both easily see the diamonds in the rough.

It’s a huge turn on to see her getting excited about all of this, and to imagine how she might soon be enraptured in sensual bliss with a gorgeous, smart and respectful man - someone who might do things with her that I never even imagined. Someone who will treat her body as a temple. Someone who will tease her nipples, tremble as her mouth envelops his cock, and thrust himself wildly into her pink pussy as I have done so may times. All this, while bringing newness to the dance - a newness that will make it tantalizingly different and erotic for her.

Tomorrow, she’ll likely meet with one of them.

I also have a first date with a lady that responded to my post.

Two days from now, we’ll both be able to share in some form of tantalizing newness. That feels meaningful, raw and real.

I want all the things we put in our posts - for both of us. But it’s also a little scary.

Will she begin to prefer sex with him over me? Will the touch of another man wind up more tempting than mine? Does she ask herself the same questions?

Or will it be exactly as we both want it to be: a fulfillment of desires that makes our own bond stronger, that reminds us how special it is to have an unbreakable connection, and that informs and animates how we continue to evolve our bond on every level for the years to come.

“Evolving our bond on every level” is a big deal. It can’t be taken lightly. Maybe that’s where the trepidation comes from.

I love the thought of lying in bed with her when we come back together, and her telling me every detail of how she met her men. I want her to tell me how they made her feel on that first, no-expectations date - while knowing what this could become.

I want to know exactly how she decided that this was someone she wanted to go to bed with, what she imagined that would entail - even before it happened.

I want to hear how, a few days later, she showed up at his door, or him at ours.

I want to know what they chatted about. I want her to describe the butterflies she felt in those moments before one of them slid closer, or said, “let’s do this”. I want to know how she built up her courage to make the first move, if she did. I want to hear who touched first, how they started, and how it evolved.

I want to hear about every step that led to climax, and all the thoughts that went through her head.

I want to know how they kissed, what he did with her breasts and her increasingly endogenous, ever-pointy nipples. I want to know how he devoured her pussy with his mouth, and what he did with her fingers.

I want to know how she grabbed his hard cock, and how it felt in her hand. I want her to describe what she thought about at that moment of first contact. Did she lust at the thought that this perfect penis would soon be thrusting into her?

I want to know what positions they fucked in. Which ones felt best. How they were different from when we do them.

Was he soft and suggestive? Did he ask her to move into a position that would let him better reach her depths? Or did he take control and move her to meet his desires?

Did she take command and tell him what she wanted?

Did they orate their excitement and desires, or was it more silent?

I want to know how she cummed, how he cummed, and where. I want to know her thoughts and feelings in those moments of, and just after, they summitted. I want her to describe the look on his face, and how his body behaved, as he pumped his semen deep inside her.

Did they cum together? Did she cum too soon, as she often fears? How did she feel after her own orgasm, as he pursued his own?

Did she think of me, in that erotic arc, or was she completely enraptured in the moment? In herself? In him?

I want to know how they lay together and what was said, in those post-coital moments.

I’d love to be able to watch it all on live video as it happens, to be there with her so we can share it in real-time. But I also want her to have this experience, just for her.

I want her to want more I want to be there when they recreate that passion, and add to it I want to hold her in my arms, and guide his throbbing cock into her pussy - as though I’m guiding it into our pussy I want to suck on her clitoris as his slides in and out of her. To smell and taste the chemistry they create together.

I want her to want the same following my ENM experiences.