We read all of the time that it's important to establish ground rules with your partner before opening up your lifestyle. But after that it gets pretty lame. Everyone can agree honesty is #1 but what comes next? What are YOUR rules? The real rules you use and follow. Please have a little conversation with us. We would love to hear from you.
1) honesty always, no secrets. 2) together always 3) no taking one for the team. It's either a match for both or neither 4) ????
I think the most important rule is that engaging others for fun sexually orientated get togethers is not about relationship busting its about relationship enhancing. It takes a lot and a very strongly bonded relationship to allow others sexually into the mix so making sure that nothing is going to happen to change that has to be job one in my book. If not for this...and this alone...all the nay sayers out there would be jumping into it...they all fantasize but lack the stability to go for it Just an opinion
I think that being together is a good idea too...if the swing is going to be with mere random hook ups...but I also think that if its done with some exclusivity then allowing date nights with one on one can be a very hot and welcomed thing as well. Being exclusive should alleviate some of the fears.
As far as the actual hook up goes, I think the number one rule should be absolutely not unless both are 110% ready, willing and able...zero second thoughts...zero misgivings of any sort
Consider spouse and spouse's feelings first.
Be as honest as possible, though sometimes it takes a while figure out your own thoughts on things. There are several layers of motivation in swinging, and it takes time to know them all.
No bed hopping. We choose long-term contacts.
We're careful about what we say out loud. It's not thoughtful to your own spouse to say something to your play partner that might compare skills or physical appearance. You can't erase spoken words. I don't care what they text. That's private.
The level of play is decided date-by-date. One veto decides.
NON-rules for us:
Some couples only chat together. We chat/text separately. We only share our own chats/texts when there's something particularly hot or funny to share. Chatting is private. Sharing is voluntary.
We prefer to play together at this point, because it's hot to see what the other is experiencing. Eventually I feel playing in different rooms simultaneously would be fine. It has been suggested to play one-on-one and we might consider that too, considering we're exclusive.
Only a few rules for my wife and I;
1. We tell each other everything. No secrets.
2. No falling in love. (Don't bother telling me you can't control that... if you already are in love with your partner, you can certainly monitor your feelings for a f.b. and see the warning signs... both my wife and I agree this is something we, as mature adults, can handle.)
Pretty much everything else is open to discussion. ;)
-B.
Cheek to cheek, heart to heart, always together never apart. Its or motto
We only play together, we never have secrets, .no always means no, condoms a must and remember its a sport.
Swinging is the sport but or life together is LOVE and that is not a game.
We believe as soon as it is no longer fun is time to stop
Hm. We don't have many rules, actually. But yes, honesty. Honesty is probably the only rule we have that is non-negotiable. Everything else depends on the circumstances. We trust one another, and we trust the integrity of our relationship enough that we aren't afraid to become friends with our playmates. Another rule we have is that we don't get involved with other people who are into the lifestyle dishonestly (AKA cheaters) or with couples who are unevenly interested in swinging. You know, where one person is pulling at the leash and the other one is dragging his or her heels. We aren't going to convert anyone or trick them into anything!
Other rules that sort of go without saying:
We're not allowed to get mad at one another for not being a mind-reader; it's not only our right, but our responsibility to speak up when something isn't right. If we don't, we get what we deserve.
If it's uncomfortable/scary to talk about, it's what we need to be talking about.
Always give one another the benefit of the doubt.
Always put one another's needs before our own wants (Duh. Should go without saying.)
Love one another enough to be completely honest, and don't be afraid of the Truth.
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