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Asking for what you want before you know what you want

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Ok. We're newbs. Total newbs. I'm not counting our accidental 3somes. 

We're hardly tabula rasa, we've each spent years working on the road, and as we all know, the road stays on the road. But we've never really gone out mindfully together, looking for adventures. We've had a discreetly open relationship for years, but neither of us know how we'll respond in the moment.  So how does one ask for what they want before they actually know??