Nov. 14, 2016

Life as a swinger can be a very positive experience. We meet wonderful and interesting people, but also some not so interesting average folks. But that’s ok. It just goes to remind us that we are all normal people, living a normal life.

However, there are people that come into our lives that become special to us. These are people that teach us lessons about ourselves and about others around us. One of these people came into my life 9 months ago and gone out of my life just recently and I am finding myself missing him a lot. It’s not that he was the most handsome guy around, nor was he the most eloquent person I’ve met, but he was special to me and he made me feel special. And that kind of feeling doesn’t happen very much in this lifestyle.

This person I am talking about is one of my long-term partners. This weekend, we made the decision to part ways. It was really over a silly misunderstanding, but now it seems very difficult to move past it. I tried reconciling with him, explaining that I needed more time to myself and that my work was suffering because he and I were chatting basically all day long via Skype. He viewed my snub as making a decision that he was no longer important to me. It wasn’t the case at all. Now though, I have a huge hole in my heart and I miss him.

He was the type of guy who would tell me he thought I was beautiful in the middle of having car sex. He would look down at me, smile this big beautiful smile of his, kiss me and tell me what most women long to hear, and that was that I was beautiful. It didn’t seem to matter to him that my hair was a mess, I was sweating from riding him in a hot sweaty car or that I was flush from the last two orgasms he gave me. He just knew how to make me feel good about myself and about us.

Now that he has gone from my life, maybe forever or maybe just temporarily, I wonder how I will fill that void. I have a profound sense of loss and I will miss my friend terribly. He was special to me and I wish him nothing but the best. After 25 years with my husband and 9 months with my other partner, I know it won’t be them. Neither of them are the type of men to exclaim such emotions in the middle of sex or any other time for that matter. I am sad and I miss my friend. As I said before, life of a swinger has its ups and downs. He was certainly a positive aspect in my life and now that he is gone, his departure is certainly a negative one.

This lifestyle isn't meant to develop the type of relationships are that is meant to last forever after, not unless you are in the lifestyle with your spouse. So, with that being said, I will continue enjoying myself, playing with interesting men, some might be just a one-time play partner and others more often. But who knows; maybe I will be lucky enough to find another special man to come into my life and eventually become long-term partners. Finding someone who can touch my body and make me feel as good as I hope I make him feel. It probably won't be easy but there’s always hope that I find someone interesting enough that in those in-between moments, we enjoy each other’s company and develop a great friendship along the way, just like I had with my partner and friend Tariq. That’s really the best part of this lifestyle.